Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
