New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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