Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
