I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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