I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Oh god it's open bar.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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