if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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