I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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