WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
