so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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