i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize