when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
