She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
