Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
