Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
