he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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