I need to stop coming to work sober
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Randomize
