why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
