Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
