"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She told me I should be a condom model.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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