I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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