I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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