I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
