Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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