i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
