drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
