I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
