Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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