If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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