my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize