she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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