You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
