bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize