Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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