some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize