Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
