so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
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