And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just want nice things and good sex
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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