I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize