we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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