So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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