Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize