WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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