I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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