Where are you?
In a non slutty way
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Randomize
