I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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