Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
