I want you more than these girls want KFC
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
