Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize