I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
