I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
