Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
