Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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