mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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