We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
