dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
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