Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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