I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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