what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
