I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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