I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
