CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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