ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
