I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm having to shit out rocks
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize