if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
