why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
its liver damage thursday
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
