I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
