Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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