PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
