He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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